Addiction & RECOVERY- Poop Floats
The day after I decide that I am not going to drink anymore I wake up feeling like maybe that hadn’t been such a great decision. But that’s usually what happens when I decide I am not going to drink anymore. This time is going to be different!! God spoke to me in the voice of my husband. THAT had certainly never happened before! God is going to give me the tools this time. I know it.
The tools God gives me are interesting and varied, depending on the day.
The first one is a doozy…..
Red wine is my most favorite drink of choice, a dirty martini with a number of olives coming in as a close second. But red wine is everything to me. Comfort. Flavor. Bouquet. A truly sensory experience.
What allows me to continue drinking alcohol — without acknowledging my problem- is the fact that I am a wine snob. If I am truly an alcoholic- I would be drinking wine out of a jug or a box….. right? I wouldn’t be going to wine tasting events at fancy shops and learning how to pair my red wines with various cheeses. If I am truly an alcoholic I would just be drinking it out of the bottle or the jug or the box and I certainly wouldn’t be wasting time pairing it with food. That is what I tell myself. I have various types of fancy glasses for consuming my red wine. I can tell you the difference between a Cabernet and a Merlot and a Shiraz. Alcoholics don’t know that do they???
Part of my unwinding experience at the end of the day is pouring that first glass of red wine. My hands actually shake while pulling the glass down from the shelf. Not shaking from alcohol withdrawals- but shaking from anticipation and psychological need. Often, I am cooking while I am sipping my first few glasses. This experience in the kitchen, with my music playing, chopping, sautéing and making sauces while sipping my wine, is my be all and end all for the end of the day. Never mind the fact that by the time the meal is actually on the table, the first bottle of wine is close to being empty and a second one needs to be opened for the actual dinner.
So the day after deciding I wasn’t going to drink anymore, I know that I need something powerful to keep me away from the red wine.
I say a prayer.